Compatible or not? Learn to measure the affinity between you

Being compatible or not with your partner is something that worries many of us... Many of us, because the truth is that feeling that you are with the right person is so important for some, that even specialists have taken the task of contributing. information on the topic.

A few days ago I heard two friends say that things have changed a lot in terms of relationships. One told me that fewer and fewer people want to commit and the other that the values around romantic feelings and the idea of whether or not to remain linked in that way to someone are no longer what they used to be.

In this sense, I am old school. I always say that in a responsible way I tried everything I could try. Long-distance relationships, relationships in the work environment, relationships with an age difference, ephemeral relationships... A night of drinking, a crazy night... Everything.

Precisely drinking from several glasses allowed me to understand, responsibly, which of them I wanted to stay with and drink until I fell drunk... with love. Mine are the relationships that are built every day with a view to a beautiful future. Therefore, for women who aspire to that, compatibility is very important to us.

And what is compatibility in a relationship?

In simple terms, compatibility refers to the ability of two people to function together in a relationship, to complement each other, and to share common values, interests, and goals.

However, compatibility is not something that can be measured objectively. It's not that there is a test, a thermometer, a guru that tells you: girls, 100% compatibility. No. Whether you like it or not, it doesn't work that way.

First of all, compatibility is based on subjective and emotional factors that vary from one person to another. What may be compatible for one couple may not be compatible for another.

Secondly, we are constantly changing and evolving. There are people who can transform their behavioral habits over time, so it is likely that at some point in their life they preferred some things and now choose others.

That is wrong? No. You can't judge someone by their evolution or transformation, especially if the change is for the better and points to things like their wholeness and maturity. That is why compatibility is so changeable and subjective.

I have been in relationships in which at the beginning we even agreed on how we liked to have coffee and as the years went by we came to feel like two strangers. She interacted with other people, who contributed to her transformation, I began to feel interest in other things, we took everything for granted and... Catastrophe! Our love died! At least the couple's.

Thus, compatibility can be evaluated at different levels and areas of the relationship, so take paper and pencil and here I humbly share with you some things that I hope will help you:

emotional compatibility

In general, it refers to the ability of two people to understand and satisfy the emotional needs of another. This can be measured by open communication and the ability to support and comfort others during difficult times.

However, I have my objections. Yes, of course it feels good to know and experience the loving support of another when you are not going through a good stage or you are not having a good day, but... Be careful! Leaving your emotional needs in her hands to the point of falling into dependency is not right.

Remember this, little girl: you are truly responsible for your emotional well-being and how you manage your feelings regarding the things that worry you, worry you, etc. When we become 100% responsible for our mental and emotional care, we free the other from an important burden (which, furthermore, DOES NOT HAVE TO BE THEIRS) and the relationship flows better.

Say NO to emotional dependence.

Sexual compatibility

Anyone would think that at this point things got good. Yes and no. Sexual compatibility refers to mutual satisfaction in intimacy and the ability to express and explore sexuality together. This can be measured through open communication, trust and willingness to experiment.

However, let's be reasonable about this. The sexual appetite in a relationship or the frequency of intimate encounters usually decreases as life as a couple progresses. Life as a couple or the relationship itself, especially for those who do not live together.

Although it may seem contradictory, sex may become more sporadic, but if you look closely you will notice that other things are strengthened, such as verbal communication, anticipation of the other person's desires, tastes and thoughts, complicity.

From my point of view (you can differ with me and it will be fine) I find it valuable that the spiritual connection begins to rise above other things in the relationship, but since deep down we are a little hard-headed and we think that if we no longer have sex like before he doesn't want me, or he doesn't like me, to avoid falling into those traps that kill passion, try to keep the flame lit.

Talk to your partner about your sexual expectations. Here is another text that may be useful to you when it comes to this topic.

Intellectual compatibility

It refers to the ability of two people to share interests and meaningful conversations. This can be measured by mutual understanding and the ability to learn and grow together.

Some people tend to ignore this. Usually this happens when the physical or sexual attraction is very intense, you put all the chips in the roulette wheel of this facet of the relationship and you forget that sooner or later you will have to share other things with her, such as your existential doubts, a edifying conversation or good advice to help you make a decision.

It is then when you realize that after all their thoughts, ideologies or the way they perceive life are not completely related and you begin to question yourself about a possible affinity, which is beyond the delusions of romance or pleasure. that sex provides.

If you want something momentary, temporary, or just to pass the time, intellectual compatibility doesn't matter, but if you want something more lasting, you'd better put serious and deep conversations at the top of your list.

Value Compatibility

This points to the ability of two people to share common values, goals and objectives. This can be measured by mutual understanding and the ability to work together to achieve common goals.

You will understand that the weight of whether a relationship lasts or not falls directly on this type of compatibility. As I mentioned in the previous section, if you have in mind finding much more than a lover, a life partner, it is important to corroborate what their aspirations and expectations about the relationship are and if your objectives coincide, take it forward.

If not? Well, two things can happen, whether you like it or not: that the relationship does not transcend (and you should not make a drama if it does not advance) or that you decide to wait for her to change, become a little more interested or involved.

Personally, I'm not a big fan of the second. I know many cases of women who, not having the emotional maturity to understand that interests or the conflict of values is insurmountable, insist on wanting to give encouragement to a relationship that never had it, then falling into a dynamic that is exhausting, frustrating and at times very toxic.

Girls... Remember what happened to Cinderella's stepsisters with their tiny glass slipper: if it doesn't fit from the first moment, you don't want to wear a shoe that was never yours. Knowing how to give up in time to something that has no future is a sign of maturity and self-love.

Also, I tell you something else: the Universe does not know about empty spaces , so you can be sure that that hole that that person left by not valuing you as you deserved, or by not wanting to build something beautiful with you, will undoubtedly be filled by the right person. .

Know clearly what you want and expect from a relationship; of the person who will be your life partner, is walking on the path that, without fear of doubt, will take you to the arms of the person you long for. I guarantee you!

Let everything flow beautifully, little ones!

Angela